The Meaning Of Life
by Larry Morgan
Summary: Carter attains some happiness in his life, and reflects on how he got there.


Intro : A Carter reflection when he attains perfection in his life.  
  
Rating : "U" I suppose. Nothing remotely offensive in it.  
  
Disclaimer : I don't own any of these characters. Usual stuff etc. Although even if I did claim them no – one would sue me. I mean, what would be the point?  
  
Also, many thanks to Green Day for the use of their song "Time Of Your Life", surely one of the most poetic ballads ever written.  
  
Summary : Carter tries to answer a question that has plagued philosophers since the birth of time.  
  
Characters : Mainly involves John. Mentions of other characters.  
  
Any feedback to kicker2000us@yahoo.com  
  
On with the story…..  
  
  
  
Picture this. It's a sunny Wednesday afternoon, the air is still and its about 25oc. I'm sitting on the hammock in our back garden with my two children playing in the sand nearby. I have never felt more at peace with myself or my life, and I am thinking. What is the meaning of life?  
  
As I'm thinking I come up with several answers, all of which I will explain in a moment. My thoughts have been interrupted by two shouts of "Mummy" from the sandpit accompanied by a wave. Even though I can't see behind me due to the parasol on the hammock I know that she is waving back to them. Shifting my weight, I turn to look at her. Even now, she is still as beautiful as the day I first saw her. She seems to sense my reflective state since all she does is kiss her two children and then join me in the hammock, greeting me with a similar action and then laying her head on my chest.  
  
I now have everything that is precious too me in close proximity and I wonder, is this the meaning of life, so that I can enjoy afternoons like this, where the only thing in the air is true happiness. Possibly?  
  
How about the rest of my life? What about things that I have experienced in my life, is the answer to the question there? Lets look.  
  
My brother died many years ago from leukaemia. Being only a child myself I found it hard to take in, hard to grasp what was happening around me. In hindsight I think that was the test of the Carter family and we failed it miserably. Instead of joining together in mourning we separated (metaphorically I mean) and I now think that that meant that we didn't come to terms with the death as quickly as we could have. For me personally, I learnt to accept it when I was 24. I was driving home one night and I heard a song on the radio ; the first verse was almost poetic  
  
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road,  
  
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.  
  
So make the best of this test and don't ask why,  
  
Its not a question but a lesson learned in time.  
  
Its something unpredictable but in the end is right,  
  
I hope you have the time of your life.  
  
I did make the best of that test, and it directed me on the path of medicine, where I hope I prevented a few families from facing a similar test. So, is this the meaning of life? Surviving experiences and watching how they shape you. Possibly?  
  
Years later I thought I was helping my cousin Chase when he overdosed on drugs. I thought I knew what was best, that I could do it all by myself. That day taught me an important lesson, that no matter how good your intentions are they can always backfire. Strangely I didn't blame myself too much for what happened to him, because I knew I hadn't broken his loyalty. My family however, didn't see things quite that way and we split for a while. I think there was a test there though, did I betray a wish of a patient, or did I take the option to please my family. Is that the meaning of life? To show loyalty no matter what the situation?  
  
  
  
The next death that I encountered though was harder on my conscience. Dennis was a mate, and being a doctor I should have seen that he was depressed and at least tried to help him at Christmas. We all know the ironic statistic. At the happiest time of year, the suicide rate is highest. That night, I betrayed. No, betrayal is too strong a word. I chose to shut out of my mind a friend who needed me. If I had recognised his need maybe he would be a surgeon at County today. I have tried to learn from this though, and I can say that I have made the effort to help my friends since. Is the meaning of life to learn from our mistakes? Maybe.  
  
I certainly thought I had had my fair share of deaths by that point but I was hit by another 2 ½ years later. Without question the worst few seconds of my life came when Benton's silence spoke volumes and told me that Lucy was dead. Psychologists say that although there are several moments or events that define our lives, there is one moment about above all that has significance. Sadly, mine was Lucy's death, partly because I was to blame, no matter what anyone tried to tell me, and partly because of the way I treated her in general.  
  
I didn't love her, not like people wanted me too, but I had a respect for her and I did like her. The reason I didn't explain this to her was that I was jealous. She seemed to show me up most of the time and drew praise from several staff members. In a way, she was stealing my glory, something which I resented. My own ignorance and childish behaviour had cost a life. The ultimate price. So, I learned acceptance. Acceptance that there will be others better than ourselves and that we can learn from them. Perhaps the meaning of life is to learn humility. Who knows?  
  
My guilt from Lucy's death ended in me seeking refuge in drugs. Unintentionally, I might add. I just started to take them to sleep at night, then to get through the day. I was caught and I was made to face the problem, a problem which I never knew existed. I was a drug addict. Correction, I still am, I will never stop being a drug addict and I know that. The problem here was that I wouldn't seek help to cope with Lucy's death, and I destroyed myself as a result. The one encouraging thing to come out of my addiction was that I realised who my true friends were. Kerry, Mark, Peter, everyone at the hospital who gave me a chance. God knows I didn't deserve one. I didn't accept that I needed help after I was stabbed. I lacked the wisdom to make the right decisions, so maybe life's meaning is to find that wisdom. Perhaps it comes with age.  
  
  
  
I said I was caught shooting drugs. By Abby Lockhart, who is another important part of my life, one of my best friends in fact. Throughout the first half of 2001 I grew closer to her, thinking I was falling for her. I helped her with her mother, dropped a few hints about how I felt and generally did things for her that Luka Kovac didn't. I finally told her how I felt during a lunch break by the river. At that time, I did truly feel that I was falling in love with her. She split from Luka a while later, and seemed to be looked at us as a real possibility. However, in four short months my feelings for her had changed, and I still don't know why. They were not as intense as they once were and I felt terrible when I had to tell her that I was wrong and that I didn't want to be with her. The people that are right for us change with us, and although I had changed, Abby hadn't.  
  
Is the meaning of life to find that person who metamorphoses with us? It could be.  
  
  
  
I shall say very little about Gamma's death. Although it was expected I never really spent enough time with her, and when she was gone I thought of so much I wanted to say to her. She was always the one I was closest to in the family, and I think she felt the same. Her will stated that because she treasured our relationship, she saw fit to leave me her house and her belongings. I didn't want to sell it, so I moved in, and the back garden is where I sit now thinking. Her passing bought with it a realisation. That you have to make the most of what time you have with people because you never know when it will be over, ironically a lesson I should have learnt from Lucy.  
  
Is the meaning of life to treasure relationships? I think it has great importance.  
  
  
  
I am happy to say that Gamma's death marked the beginning of some of the best times of my life. After her death I was comforted by one of the strongest women I know, and our friendship turned to love and we married in 2003. I had once read the philosophy which states that "One finds happiness where one least expects it" and that applied to our relationship. I had never thought of her as my girlfriend before, or indeed thought about loving her, and yet both occurred within a very short time.  
  
The day we got married she left me a letter, and instructed me to read it before we met at the church. Her words in it were simple, yet it was the most touching piece I have ever read. It said that she wished she was making me as happy as I was making her.  
  
This could be the meaning of life, to provide someone with an unselfish happiness through the ages. The fact that she was all I wanted was an added bonus for me.  
  
  
  
Since our marriage we have been blessed with two children, Adam, who is 5 and Rebecca who is 4. It is them who are playing in the sandpit near me. For a young brother and sister they get along rather well.  
  
They form a huge part of our lives now and I think children could answer the meaning of life question. Do we exist to pass our experiences onto our offspring and let them learn from it?  
  
  
  
Throughout my thoughts I have attempted to answer a question that at one point or another we all ask. But the summary of all my proposed answers is that they are correct, but at the same time, wrong.  
  
I think the meaning of life is that we can experience as much as we can, and compare it, like the highs and lows of everything I have described above.  
  
  
  
Anyway, enough of the amateur philosophy. Should anyone be looking into our garden at the moment I hope they see one thing. The happiness radiating from John Carter, Susan Carter, Adam Carter and Rebecca Carter. I know I feel the warmth from it. 


End file.
